Alive Again

I am listening to the song "Alive Again" by Matt Maher. I feel like its definitely appropriate for this morning. I have been listening to the song all week, but last night was Halloween. I am not a fan of Halloween... even in the slightest.

I worked last night at the mall and I had to walk out and trust this guy who I had never met to take me to my car. Praise God he did just that and everything was fine. Thankfully my mom called me just as we were walking to his car. I am so glad that I have a constant advocate for life...the Holy Spirit. : ) Yes, He goes with me whereever I go.

So... I was trying to fall asleep last night around 11:30 and I hear these low angry shouts coming from the neighbors and then high picthed yells following. I couldn't quite make out what was happening, but I got up to check it out. Through the blinds I could see a man on the ground and 4 guys kicking him in the stomach, yelling at him and beating him up. I ran to Christina's room to tell her that someone was getting severely beaten in the front yard next to us. She got up and told me to call the police. Well, we didn't know the number for the police so we called 911.

They were having a hard time hearing me on the phone and we were still watching what was happening. About 10-15 people were involved just standing around in the front yard. The police man asked if there were any weapons. I told him we didn't see any. The police officer was really agitated. He asked me if we wanted to see a police officer and I asked if he could hold a moment so I look better at the situation, but he became mad and told me that this was an emergency line and I needed to make a decision on what to do. It was intense. I eventually told him that we just wanted to report what we saw since the fight had broken up as I was talking on the phone.

Yeah... that wasn't your typical night. Oh, and in the midst of all of that I had run to grab my cell phone and tripped over something. It hurt pretty bad, but there was so much happening that I didn't even think about it. After the commotion was over I got back into bed and laid there praying and trying to fall back asleep. It was then that I noticed my foot was throbbing. I figured I must have whacked it pretty good and I tried to ignore it. Eventually though I leaned down to touch my foot and realized my part of my sock was soaked in blood. Obviously I hurt it worse than I thought. I gashed open my foot and bruised it pretty bad. It amazes me how you can respond to situations with priority and not even realize that you are bleeding pretty badly.

Family

Update time: I have been learning so much about what I want my family to look like someday, and how that is possible. True... much of it does center around the man in the home, the husband, the father, but more importantly the priest of the house. He is such an integral part on every level. I realize I am not a man, but at least now I have clarity in what I am actually hoping to marry. I don't expect my husband to be super man, because I am human and I am full of mistakes, past regrets, hurts and failures... but God. He is faithful to forgive us from all our sin and he heals us so gently. : ) No, I don't expect perfection, but now I know what we are striving for.

I desire to be a mom above most everything else in this life save a faithful follower of our Lord Jesus Christ.

To God be all the glory. Amen.

Faithful...fruit

So, I had been thinking this week that its my week to buy groceries and I really need to pick up some fruit among other things, but really I thought we just need some more fruit. Then I thought about how I don't have a job after a few days and it made me think... okay this season may be difficult. I need grocery money and I would like to not have to tap into my savings.

Well... I came into work today and wouldn't you know... in pops this older lady to pick up her pedometer which she left in our office, but she also came bearing a grocery sack full of fresh fruit! : ) Oh what a blessing! I love fresh fruit and I really love it when I know its been home grown! She brought it from her garden! Father! You are so good to me! I know that this was from you! There were cherries, blackberries, grapes, tomatoes, an apple and an orange! Lord, those are also items that I would have never bought at a time like this... if ever! Thank you.

You are reminding me all the time that you are taking care of me! : )

Love your daughter.

I am oh so grateful for your constant reminder of your goodness towards me!

Price Tag

You can't put a price tag on a moment. And you can't put a price tag on a person.

So... what if I lived this horrible life and I didn't lead anyone but one precious soul to the Lord. Is that soul a waste? Absolutely not.

I have been frustrated with myself after diving deeper into life. I have taken a good hard look at my life, and I realize I have made it all about me for too long. What do I have to show for it? How many lives have I really lead to the Lord?

I am so grateful that I am only 23, but in looking back on the last 23 years, I am wondering... how much more could I have done, how much more could I have loved, worshipped and served my Creator. Have I brought Him as much glory as I could have?

Don't get me wrong, I am so glad that I am only 23 because I am believing that have a full life ahead of me. But I can't take that for granted. what if I don't? What if I leave this earth tomorrow? Will I be satisifed?

God, I declare that from here on out, you are my priority unlike ever before. I commit my life to you... to knowing you and making you known. To bring you glory!

I am also grateful that when I look in the rear view mirror I do see people's lives that I have been a part of and I believe that the impact has been good. Oh God, from here on out, I pray that I will have maximum impact and that it will be so good.

All to you. This is dying to myself. I had a great epiphany today about life... the Bible wasn't written about me. yeah go figure. You would think that I would have concurred this one by now. But I haven't. I mean, I still want the attention when playing a game. I still dress up to impress people so that I look good. I still hope that at the end of a conversation people will think about me. I still interject things into conversation so that I will be remembered and so people will have a favorable jugement of me.

Lord, even as I write this... I am grossly aware of what my real priorites have been in the past. me. Yes, its been about me. God, I am sorry. You are the creator of the Universe, not me. You are the one who created me and the one who gives life to all.

When was the last time I tried to interject something into a conversation to simply make sure that you were represented well or were given a favorable judgement? Lord, I need your forgiveness. thats all I have to say. I am sorry.

You are better than life itself. Literally.

Tando

I am not sure if I can put what I saw and felt today into words.

I went with my missions team from Victory/3D to Tando, Philippines. We went ot the slums, which are abandoned warehousees that many people live in. They have constructed small compartments in the warehouse out of every piece of material imaginable. They pick through the trash and gather half eaten food and recook it and eat it.

They have no running water or electricity. They pea on th estreet. They get high on glue so that they won't have to think about how hungry they are.

Today made me angry. The people living in the dump sites were cleaner than the slums. It was awful. Everything smelled. Kids ran around naked, people bathe in the same water that they pee in and play in.

In one building everyone was getting high on glue. They do this for several reasons...
1) If they are high, they won't be hungry
2) Beacause they are bored
3) To forget their life
4) One lady we saw was sniffing glue because she was pregnant and she wanted to kill the baby. She was recently impregnated and she doesn't know who the father is.

The sight today was overwhelming. I didn't really talk to anyone about it yet. I need to debrief but there is no one on this trip who I feel like I can do that with.

People shouldn't have to live like that.

Constant, Holy

Another Attribute of God's character:  Constant.

He is so faithful.  Always there, love unfailing.

He is as faithful as the sun is to rise every morning... and He is the one who causes it to rise.  He speaks to the day each morning and commands it into existence.

He is constant in his love for us, he never fails to show us love or to stop loving us.  He is so unlike me.  I am amazed at his love.  Wonderful.  Lord, thank you for your constant love...  

Love. unfailing.  

The best part is that you are not just constant in your love, but in your justice, grace, mercy, your ways, they are unchanging.  You haven't changed for years.  You are the same yesterday, today and forever!

Well, this was a character trait that I have been thinking about a lot lately, but I hadn't blogged yet.

Another Attribute: Holy

I was reading in Ezekiel yesterday about his vision of the Son of Man and I was speechless.  How could this be the same God that I claim to follow each day.  He is so holy and full of reverence, yet I do not treat him as such.  Ezekiel describes the son of man as a fire so bright that he could not see.  The glory surrounding the Son was unimaginable and Ezekiel fell down on his face and worshipped him.

Okay this made me think...  When was the last time I fell on my face to worship God because I had caught a glimpse of his glory.  He described the radiance as that of the glow from a rainbow after it rains.

As facebook would say "What is on your mind?"

I am.... FED UP WITH OUR PREVERSE CULTURE!

Why is it okay to glorify sex outside marriage or even talk about marriage outside the bedroom... its not! And its not okay for Christians to make sexual crude jokes. When did that become funny? What happened to the innocence of youth, and the desire to keep our hearts and minds focused on the God. I don't believe God laughs at our sexually crude jokes, nor does he think its funny.

Look at who we have become! Young girls starve themselves because they want to look like the "pretty girls." We have projected so much the image of beauty from our standpoint that we hate ourselves.

Why is it funny to make fun of someone who isn't as pretty as we are?

Mysterious

I took a walk early this morning while it was still a little dark and there was mist rising from a few ponds on the golf course. It was mysterious looking and cold... so I wasn't quite sure that I wanted to venture out from the house, but I knew I needed to.

While on my walk I stopped long enough to stare at the moon and thought about Gideon who stared at this very same moon and battled while it stood still because he prayed for daylight to complete the battle.

Then I thought about George Washington when I looked at the North Star. He saw the same star that I did. I am no different than these amazing men of God who lived their lives entirely for the purpose of the Kingdom. I challenged myself, what is stopping me? What am I to do next?

Sometimes I ask the wrong questions when I am looking for an answer, and I think today is an example of that. More than exploring my next assignment, I need to explore the character of God. I stood there in the middle of the early morning longing to know God... the creator of all that I see, He designed everything to work together perfectly... including me. I know that He has a specific purpose and call on my life. He is the answer to everything.

So, I felt God say to me that He is going to reveal himself to me through one aspect of his character at a time and I am to study that attribute until he reveals the next.

God is mysterious. This is an attribute of his character that I have not studied before, but I am excited to learn.

"And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ" - Ephesians 1:9

^"Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed" - 1 Corinthians 15:51

The Kingdom

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

I had a conversation with a friend last night where we discussed whether we were reaching our goals in life.  She is a wife and a mother of two small children and I am incredibly blessed and encouraged by her.  She carries a heavier load than I actually realize.  She is an amazing friend to our neighbor's, she has allowed me and another to live with her family, and I am so grateful.

Coming back to the point, I am so glad we talked about this last night.  It's a great question, what are my goals?  As a Christian, my first priority is the Kingdom of God.  So, I started asking myself these questions...

Am I focused on the Kingdom all the time?  Do the decisions I make stem from my belief that I am merely a stranger here on this earth and I am headed to a better place where I will live with my Creator?  Do I care enough about people to tell them the knowledge that I have about who God is and the truth of where we are all headed?  

This is challenging to me even as I write this.  I know that there are areas in my beliefs that are not fully committed to God, because if they were I would be sharing the gospel with everyone I saw.  

"Lord, my prayer today is that you would overwhelm me with the knowledge of who you are so that I walk in the reality of the life that I profess to be living.  You are truly my all and my goal in this life."

"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Grace

"Twas grace that taught my heart to fear and grace my fears relieved..." - Amazing Grace

When I have been extended grace from God, it is so much easier to extend grace to others. Right now, I am so grateful for forgiveness. I heard this verse this evening... "but love covers a multitude of sins."

I do not deserve grace and mercy tonight, but I am so thankful to receive it.

You know I am not looking forward to judgement day when I must give an account for every bad thought I've had, for being selfish, and for so much more....

I need help on that part.

Fog

Mmmm... So, I woke up this morning in a stupor half dreaming that I was racing to the shower before I ever left the bed. ha. Well, I made it to the shower and was pleasantly awake when I left the bathroom after realizing that I had made it in and out of the shower with plenty of time left to sit and soak up some quality time with God.

That's when I ventured into the kitchen only to look outside and see that it was totally white-washed. I couldn't even see the tree ten feet out from the backdoor. It looked like it had snowed. I put my glasses on to see that it was just a very foggy morning... "eeee!" I love exciting days, and I could feel one coming on!

Fog... what an adventure. On my drive into work I pondered if the fog was God's glory how awesome it would truly be. And today seems to be a fitting day for our world to be engulfed in the fog, because today is the National Day of Prayer and that is precisely what we are planning to do... to pray that God's glory would fill this country.

"Father, I pray that you would fill this nation with your glory right now. Lord we come to you with repentent hearts for there is great wickedness that dwells within us and among us. We have trampled you and your people. Lord, forgive us for defiling you. We ask that you would rend the Heavens and come down. We seek to honor you. From the top down, please change the hearts of this nation. Thank you for hearing us."

I am excited to gather with fellow believers in Jesus today to pray for this nation which was founded on God. I will think of that fog from this morning as I pray!